13th June 2020


It’s been an odd day for me. I woke about 7, still feeling absolutely shattered. No one else was awake so I came downstairs to listen to a podcast and went back to sleep on the sofa. I woke again later (maybe 9?) and went back up to bed. and D was awake by then, but I slept a bit more (until 10) when we all got up.

Despite of the extra few hours of sleep, I was still feeling shattered and feeling emotionally fragile. This stayed with me for much of the day and several times during the day I felt like bursting into tears.

D had suggested we go somewhere for a walk but I was still nursing my coffee at 11 and I think she had given up on me doing anything with the day – so she started to get the kids out of the house to do a short walk in Leamington. All F wanted to do was go and play in the playground (the signs saying you weren’t allowed to do this have now been removed) and that was creating some friction – so I suggested to D that she could take them to the playground and then we’d all go somewhere for a proper walk afterwards – this was my own attempt at making sure I didn’t just spend the day moping around the house feeling sorry for myself.

Once everyone else had left the house I had a look for places we could go (and even paid a subscription for the Ordnance Survey maps so I could try to plan a route) but without a lot of success – so instead I got myself ready, filled a couple of water bottles, and went to meet everyone at the play ground – only to find them heading back!

So eventually we decided we should head to Charlecote – where there is a National Trust property with a large deer park and I’d found some other foot paths on the map. We found that the NT property (Charlecote Park) is limiting tickets and only taking online bookings – and they were all sold out for the day – so instead we drove a mile along the road and walked by the River Avon.

It was a beautiful day and we had a really nice walk seeing enough people for it to be nice without so many you felt like you were constantly avoiding them.

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Been outside

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I really enjoyed being out, and thought I’d shaken my mood, but when we got back home for a late lunch I felt down again. We had an afternoon of games playing another Unlock card escape room and the Harry Potter SceneIt game that C dropped off for the kids earlier this week.

Rather late in the day I decided that I should bake some bread so we could have hot dogs for tea, which meant eating late – but since we’d been late all day that didn’t really matter. We had C’s quiz at 6 which always cheers me up, and baking (as long as it goes well) often improves my mood – so by the time we sat down to eat (in front of the TV as a treat) around 7 I was feeling much happier and balanced.

After the kids had gone to bed, D and I settled down to watch Blinded by the Light. Its a film, based on a true story, of a British Pakistani boy growing up in Luton in the 1980s who dreams about becoming a writer and falls in love with the music of Bruce Springsteen. For the most part its a feel good movie, and the for children of the 80s like me and D, it was very nostalgic. At the same time, seeing a National Front march in Luton in the 1980s in the film when we’ve seen such similar images from London today was really difficult and it had me in tears that we are still dealing with these problems today. Overall though the film is uplifting and the music – both by The Boss and the other music from the 80s that makes up the soundtrack – is a joy. I’d really recommend.

I’m feeling more settled this evening than I have all day and hope this is a good sign for tomorrow.

Stay safe, stay strong.